Loss of Innocence
The Loss of Innocence
He was your quintessential average Joe. He hoped to fall in love and his eyes were full of hope for a future painted with the colours of dream. He believed in the whole made for each other theory. His dreams lived for eighteen years, ten months and thirteen days. They shattered like a palace of cards and he was trapped beneath the debris. The world had become monochromic. His eyes had no tears to shed or dreams to dream. A person observing would wonder what could have caused the blank look on his face. How could someone so optimistic and puerile turn into the converse figure overnight! Looking back now I feel he was such a fool, who shall wither away into oblivion.
As a little boy, he saw a couple who never wanted to be together. He called them mummy and papa. In his bedtime stories, Krishna’s parents never shouted at one another. He had no one to pinpoint at as the culprit, but, soon he realised that they were together for his sake. And it disturbed him. He wanted someone to comfort him and tell him it was going to be alright. He waited and waited for the comfort till adolescence came knocking at his door. His insides, untamed and feral, craved for something which did not understand. It was dark like a moonless night and nobody was in sight.
It is a bitter fact that children trapped in such a life are vulnerable to monstrous predators. Such little ones are an easy target. He was unaware, small, soft and delicate and young. Even now he cannot remember who had touched him that night and the night after. It did not soothe his nerves but instead activated a dormant feeling which seemed to reside on his skin. Those moments were scary and painful and yet, he craved for more. When the stranger felt his lips and caressed his cheeks, he felt special. He enjoyed it when the stranger did bad things to him. It felt good to please this stranger. It was like a drug and he wanted more. Within two nights he became a confirmed addict.
This high continued till it began to feel meaningless. He failed to understand how or when the concept of meaning crept inside his head. The previous illicit rendezvous disgusted him. He felt cheap. The angst began all over again. He did not know what was happening. His parents’ house could not be a home. It remained sterile and barren. After witnessing another argument, he knew he had had enough. He left it all behind him for a new beginning. He was just seventeen when he left without looking back.
The new city was full of life, unlike his small town. It never slept and every night was starry. It allowed everybody to live on their terms and he loved this freedom. He wanted to make his own home at such a place. He wanted someone special to share it with. He was sure something would happen and he would meet someone. It did happen, just like it happens in the movies. They met and they met again. He played the Rules. First they had coffee together and then a formal dinner date. Everything was beautiful – just like his dreams. A year later after strolling on a beach on a rainy day, he fell ill. Asthma attacks, high blood pressure continued for a week. He knew something was happening and he was right to feel so. A day before he was discharged the doctor said, “We are sorry to inform you. You are HIV-Positive.”
Those words kept playing in his head. Swift time too slowed down. He kept wondering how, when, why. There was no answer. He had always used protection, except that first night and the night after. Those two nights spent with that faceless man. That was the only time. How was he supposed to understand the concept of protection then? How could he be expected to insist on a condom? He was merely thirteen years old. At that time he had no idea of what was happening. It was such a good feeling when his skin was touched. Was he punished for enjoying those bad things? Or was he punished for continuing to enjoying those carnal pleasures?
This time he decided to do the right thing. He made up his mind to confess the truth. His beloved had the right to know. He would ask him to leave and begin a new life without him. He hoped his boyfriend would not leave. He hoped he would insist on staying. He expected a theatrical fight or an argument, a lover’s quarrel. When said what he had to, there was an uneasy silence. Awkwardness filled the room. His home had been broken. He got his answer without words. Just a few weeks before his nineteenth birthday, he was sentenced to a lifetime of solitude. He accepted this rejection silently. The skies cried for him for his tears had dried.
The karma system tells us we get what we plant – the good, the bad and the ugly. There is no heaven or hell; it is all here on this dry land. We say we will pay for our bad deeds, and the same applies to our good deeds as well. He had followed the desires of his flesh and enjoyed those sinned, sensual pleasures. He fell for a man and broke the law of Nature. God had paired Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. But he had followed his heart and did what he felt was right. He did the right thing by being honest and true to his love. He hoped, may be, to be accepted. He paid dearly. He is now alone and full of self-loathing. What should have he done? Remained silent like before or remain honest and find a new man? Who should he blame? Himself or that faceless monster that left behind his gift in his veins? It is said ‘there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so’. However, his innocence is lost for good.
Words: 1023 (essay)
KEY
Ø Thesis Statement:
An emotionally neglected thirteen year abused by a stranger, grew on clichéd notions of love and life. He escaped his parents and small town life for the city, got a boyfriend and discovered he was HIV-Positive. Ultimately, he was abandoned and left wondering where he went wrong and philosophies about the same.
Ø Writer’s Purpose:
To inform and to educate.
Ø Readership aimed at:
General public, youth, parents, psychologists, counsellors, social workers, support groups, police and administration, doctors, educators, LGBT groups, parents of Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/ Transsexual children, NGOs, HIV-positive persons and parents of HIV-positive persons.
Ø Summarisation:
A victim of sexual abuse enjoyed the violation, and craved for more. He grew up on clichéd ideas of love. An argument between his parents acted as a catalyst and he left home at the age of seventeen. In the big city he found a desirable life and a boyfriend. He was informed about being HIV-Positive a year later. After his confession, he was forsaken by the boyfriend. The narrator questioned who was to be blamed for the boy’s predicament and society’s outlook towards homosexuality.
Ø Rhetorical Analysis:
1. Discursive
2. Comparison – Contrast
3. Narration
4. Expository
5. Causal analysis
6. Descriptive
Ø Linguistic Features:
1. Use of visual imagery
2. Informal language (‘quintessential average Joe’)
3. Use of metaphor (future painted with the colours of dream, monstrous predators, Swift time...)
4. Use of onomatopoeia (shattered)
5. Use of simile (...like a palace of cards)
6. Use of proper noun (Krishna, Adam and Steve)
7. Use of personification (...adolescence came knocking at his door; Untamed and feral his insides craved...)
8. Use of internal rhyme (night/sight – last sentence)
9. Use of explicit language
10. Use of italics in bold for emphasis (bad things, high, meaning)
11. Use of a French word (rendezvous)
12. Use of Medical terms (asthma, high blood pressure, HIV- Positive)
13. Use of Abbreviation (HIV)
14. Use of Rhetorical questions (Was he punished for enjoying those bad things? What should have he done?)
15. Use of Pathetic Fallacy (Swift time too slowed down, The skies cried for him for his tears had dried)
16. Use of Idiom (sentenced to a lifetime of solitude)
17. Use of Popular phrases (Adam and Steve)
18. Use of Biblical ideas (Adam and Eve)
Ø Authority:
Writer, the Bible (ref.: Book of Genesis) and W. Shakespeare: Hamlet
Ø Appeal:
Emotional
The Holy Bible:- Book of Genesis
W. Shakespeare:- Hamlet (Act 2, scene 2, 239-251)
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
- Elizabeth Kubler Ross
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